Writing with Bees

Fellow Indies writers, and snobbish literati who give away your work to the paper-pushers for a measly ten percent, I’ve stumbled across a tremendous writing aid that I feel obliged to share with you.

If you’re like me, married with children, your biggest problem is finding time to write: kids yelling about their most recent light saber injury, the wife testing your fatherhood/manhood by asking you to pave the driveway with a rolling pin, etc., etc… You know the deal. To solve this problem I usually write from three to five in the morning, a time when children only wakeup to throw up, or scream about the family of Zombies living under their beds.

Well, I’m pleased to report; I recently stumbled upon a cure for this problem.

Bees! Yes. Bees.

I write in my basement, in a big office, in a big house, not paid for with my ebook royalties 🙂 This fall, about forty-five days ago, my office became infested with bees. Being an Irish bullshitter (See my previous post.) this means about ten to twenty bees. I’m sort of easy going about most things, including bees. So, I let the bees swirl about me. Two times bees got into my pants, but I smushed them before they reached my testicles. And, I got bit once, on the arm. No big deal.

It was all worth it, for the cohabitants of my dwelling, a.k.a. my family, are deathly afraid of bees. Accordingly, they did not come within thirty feet of my office. In short, they left me alone. I could write for a whole hour without interruption. It was a dream come true.

Sadly, last night, the temperature went down to forty in Western Massachusetts. So, as I am writing this blog, my bees are stationary at my feet. I considered attempting CPR, but I think my mouth is too big. Alas, it appears my bee gig is up. So, I think I need to move on… time to begin writing with snakes!

W4$

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The General Store – A Naughty Novella.

I’m pleased to announce the publication of THE GENERAL STORE, my third ebook. It is now available at Amazon.com.

To recap my illustrious indie author career, my first book was EVEN STEVEN, a romantic comedy about particle physics. It is a book without a genre, and so far, not much of an audience. But, the few folks that have read it seem to love it. If you want to read something very very different, check it out.

My second book is a romance/satire about quadriplegia called THE WALKING MAN. Several people have read THE WALKING MAN. Some folks love this book. It contains quite a few laughs and imparts some insights about immobility that make it a worthwhile read.

Now comes my third book, THE GENERAL STORE. In this book I am intentionally trying to attract a wider audience by  writing a flat out comedy about sex and betrayal in a small town. Meant to be read in one sitting. The main goal of this book is to make you laugh.

The opening line in THE GENERAL STORE sets the tone and goes downhill from there.

“Although Jebediah Jones was ninety-three years old, he could still remember his first erection like it was yesterday.”

Now available at Amazon.com. See blurb below.

The General Store

The small town of Apple, Massachusetts is falling apart. Mayor Happy Munson has betrayed another “friend.” This time an old man with the money and brains to get even. Jebediah Jones, the well-endowed the owner of the General Store, has been arrested for literally hanging out. And, Doris Keegle, the chairman of the Apple’s restoration committee, wants Rake Davis, the leader of the town’s biker club, to stop half burying his old Ford pick-up trucks. THE GENERAL STORE is an LOL comedy about what happens when small minded people start minding other people’s business. WICKED FUNNY! Available now in ebook format at Amazon.com. This naughty novella is Rated R due to crass language and sexual content.

Fiction. 31,000 words.

Price: $2.99 USD

The Walking Man


Loosely based on a true story, The Walking Man is a tale of “persistence, self-discovery, and redemption” that brings new meaning to the term “never give up.” This original and wickedly humorous love story begins when a teenage boy is inexplicably paralyzed. His family tries to care for him, but tragedy ensues causing the young man to be institutionalized. At Leicester County Hospital, a facility dedicated to excellence in everything it does, our hero sheds his bitterness after “winning” a war with his surly roommate. He then finds love when a beautiful volunteer stops by to read to him. Despite their instant connection, paralysis and the “love” of a brute leads to a breakup that forces “the walking man” to devise a plan to win back the woman he loves.
Download The Walking Man today and experience a tale of redemption like no other.

Fiction. 41,000 words.

Price: $0.99 USD

Five Stars:
Largely based on factual experience, this story immediately captivated my interest, regardless of my reservation that the subject matter would have sufficient body. But it certainly does, and the blithe and darkly humorous narrative voice carries the story along amid lovable yet dysfunctional characters – of which there are a fully furnished complement. I never spoil plots, so you’ll have to take my word that this is a book you will surely finish, once hooked after a few chapters. Be prepared to laugh out loud…

@writeintoprint

Five Stars:

I probably see 10-20 “read my book” messages a day from/by indie authors. I ignore them for the most part, because I have so little disposable time. I picked up this book on an impulse and read it. It cost me a day when I should have been writing, but it was worth it. The story is a sort of modern fable, a tale of persistence, self-discovery and redemption. It’s a novella (42,000 words) and I found it easy to read and quite enjoyable. I gave it 5 stars for the quality of the writing and the directness of the story. Part of the story reminded me of “Flowers for Algernon.”

JJ Toner